Faith in the face of doubt. Courage in the face of fear.
June Update Letter Part 4 of 4.
Almost three years ago now Michelle and I lost our first child, Jeremiah, seven weeks into the pregnancy. We were rightfully broken apart. God was faithful and brought us both significant healing through a time of fasting following the miscarriage and further healing as we went through Prayer Resolution later.
The struggle continued, though, as we haven’t been able to get pregnant since then. It was horribly painful for Michelle. We watched as other children were born around when Jeremiah was due, and watched as other women got pregnant after us. People told us that it was God’s plan for us to have kids. They were well meaning, but it was painful to even receive hope for something good. So many times we had been full of hope, only to have it crushed to the ground. We were getting sick of hope. Hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 3:12).
And yet, when I read scripture I kept feeling like the promises of scripture were for me. When I heard God’s promise to Abram about a promised child and read in Galatians that God’s promises to Abraham belong to us (Gal 3:29) there was a quite voice in my head that said, “That is for you.” And then in Hebrews 6:13-20, I saw how steadfast and secure those promises really are. It was like faith was screaming in my chest to be released, but I was scared of my faith not playing out. Even still I did my best to reassure Michelle and myself that God had children for us. That He had, through scripture, shown us His will. But, did it work like that? Could I just see scripture through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and stand on it as if it was fact? I was willing to try.
It all came to a head when a friend at church sent me this message (not knowing of our struggle to have children): “My sense was that God has not forgotten about you, He has heard your prayers, and He will move! While thinking about this, Sarah & Abraham came to mind. I feel that like Sarah & Abraham, you’ve been told you can’t have children? No specifics, just that you’ve gotten a bad report. Like Sarah & Abraham, don’t give up hope! I feel that you’ve maybe made other plans? To move forward with other options? or just move on with life? My sense is that it’s okay, and you should continue with your plans but don’t forget God’s promise to Abraham & Sarah.”
The day I came home from my silent retreat was the day that Michelle found out that we were pregnant! Praise God! He is just SO good. He is faithful to his word. He is faithful to the conviction of scripture through the Holy Spirit. He is faithful to his testimony through godly friends. Please join us in praising God for his faithfulness (and read the second half of Pr. 3:12).
Let me know if you would like to sit down and talk about how awesome our God is. I would love to grab coffee with you. If you would like to learn more about our ministry, please don’t hesitate to contact us. It would also be encouraging to hear about what God is doing in your own life! Please feel free to find either one of us on Facebook, e-mail us, or call us.
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Nathan & Michelle Banker
1236 Upton Ave N
Minneapolis, MN 55411