“I’m not good enough”

His parents and sister never accepted anything he had done as “good enough.” Even after he had successfully passed the Chinese medical licensing exam, it was still not enough.

Many of his previous girlfriends had been very aggressive and eventually left him feeling betrayed. Even within the relationship he always felt compared to their past boyfriends. He was never enough for them. They wanted someone else. They tossed him aside.

Many other people had also communicated to him that he was not good enough, that he needed to be something more than he was. He accused each of them before God of contributing to this very destructive belief that he is not good enough. For each one, he was able to forgive them because he asked God to do justice on his behalf and he knew that God was taking up his case. He confessed his own part as well. He had believed and lived out this lie to his own harm.

He rejected the lie and asked God to break its power and replace that lie with a truth.

What he saw didn’t make sense to him. He was sure it wasn’t God speaking to him so he initially said that he hadn’t “gotten” anything. After some encouragement to share what he had seen, he said that he saw a young child on a bike in a half-pipe. A BMX biking kid, maybe 6 years old, doing an extreme sport… I can understand why he would think that it wasn’t from God.

I asked him if he thought a child of that age would fall trying to do something like that. He said, “Of course! You are going to fall if you’re ever going to try to learn how to do something like that… This is something that my parents would never allow me to try.”

I asked him what he thought God was trying to tell him. He broke into tears and said, “I should not be afraid of trying things that are difficult. I am a work in process. It’s okay that I’m not perfect. I should not be afraid to try new challenges. It’s okay to fall…. God, You don’t demand perfection, You want me to keep trying. You are the one who helps me back up.”

He had been expecting God to respond to his failure in the same manner that his parents did: criticism and shame. God showed him otherwise.

I hope this story helps you see God’s true heart. He is a good Father. He doesn’t demand perfect conformity, he wants to hang out with you and go on adventures with you. He wants you to discover new and exciting things. He wants to help you not waste your life, but live it to the fullest; not buying into the lies of materialism, perfectionism and self-advancement, but living a true adventure with Him. Adventures are risky and are usually full of mistakes, wrong turns and even failure.

Ask God what lies you believe. Do you know how to deal with those lies before God?

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About Nathan Banker

Nathan, Michelle and their two sons are occupational ministers in the Twin Cities. They do spiritual mentoring, a form of prayer ministry call Prayer Resolution and help run a small church-like community called Immerse. They dream of changing the world, one person at a time.

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