Certain Christian counseling techniques only look at your fault in any given situation and often minimize or discredit the sins done against you. The assumption is that if you start focusing on the other person’s sin, you will likely fall into the “victim” trap where you don’t take responsibility for your own sin but instead blame others for your problems. This has been taken to the extreme in certain disgraceful occurrences where rape victims are told to repent of their sins.
I disagree with the conclusion that you will become a victim if you are allowed to see what sin was done against you. I believe that recognizing the sins done against you is just as important in healing as recognizing your own sins. If you can’t recognize the sins done against you, then you cannot forgive. Forgiveness always includes full recognition of the sins done against you.
In my book: Forgiveness Fail, I poke fun at myself for a time when I helped a friend of mine recognize all the problems in his life without walking with him through any of the forgiveness stuff. To say the least, it was not helpful.
There is a way to forgive that does not minimize the offender’s sin or let them off the hook while also keeping the hurting one from labeling himself/herself as a victim.
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